How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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