so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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