I can tuck mytits in my pants
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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