I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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