I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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