lets start a swedish sibling band together
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
