every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
