Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
