She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
