so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
