Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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