we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
