He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
