Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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