i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
