I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
