hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
