If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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