saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
