I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
