***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dick has a subreddit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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