All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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