Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
