...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize