Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
