My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
50% drunk capacity currently
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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