so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
