If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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