I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
