Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
