My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
