Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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