I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
