Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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