nut hugger
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize