Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
