...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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