I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
