return my video game
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
