frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
