Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
