tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
