I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
