So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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