the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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