O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
