ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
