it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize