I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How naked do you want me to be?
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