it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We are two peas in an std pod
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
