My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
