Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
