i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
