shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need moral support for this bender
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
