I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i out mim tonsoeep
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