Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
