Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize