Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
