Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
