There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
