I just made out with a guy for $7.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
