you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
