I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
