I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
